Congratulations, you’ve finally received your parking privileges at CB South’s parking lot!

Now, let’s get excited. You don’t have to take the grimy old school buses. Get ready to run out of your classroom the second the bell rings, plow through the hallway, and leave as fast as possible.

Receiving parking privileges at CB South is a significant responsibility. As a senior with three years of expertise, I am here to ensure you have a smooth experience in the foreseeable school year!

Here are ten rules that you should hold on to dearly:

1. BLAST music: There is no other way to begin your morning than with loud music—the type that vibrates the whole car, the type that echoes through the parking lot, and the type that WILL wake you up for the day. Make sure everyone you drive by hears you because, as a good Samaritan, sharing is caring.
2. Park in the wrong spot: Don’t feel like parking at the furthest spot from the entrance and walking a whole mile? You can take someone else’s designated spot closer to the entrance because who needs cardio? Surely, people are kind.
3. Don’t utilize the rearview mirrors: Did you fail to perpendicular park and feel the urge to re-adjust? Go ahead. Just make sure not to look at your rearview mirror because when driving, it is crucial to have your eyes on the road. So, ignore any cars passing by behind you and do your duty!
4. Don’t yield: It is that time of day, 2:30 PM, when everyone is racing to their cars. But you, the prodigy you are, make it to your vehicle first. Now, what is the next step? Just leave. Don’t even give it a second thought. A cute couple trying to cross the road? The substitute trying to back up? Nope. Just floor the pedal and hit a teacher walking to his car. If you want to be extra, be sure not to yield any drivers trying to enter the main line of traffic.  
5. Tailgate: You’ve finally left the parking lot but are now stuck in traffic. The next best course of action is to tailgate. Ensure you are as close as possible to the moving car, to the point where your front bumper is touching their rear bumper. You need those extra few seconds to get home to do your homework by closing the distance between your colleagues.
6. Ignore the speed limit: What is the point of following state laws? Nobody cares what the Pennsylvania Department of Transportation says about the 15mph speed limit in school zones. Just follow the crowd, and don’t be a loser.
7. Run stop signs: Stop signs are there just for decoration. It’s become a custom to run stop signs, so why not adapt? Natural selection is a part of the cycle. Don’t bat an eye on the sign; just go. 
8. Cut the line: Oh no! You’re stuck in traffic once again. But why wait in line when you could be swerving through empty parking spaces, maneuvering around those school buses, and darting toward the exit like a pro? After all, what’s a little chaos when you’re in a rush, right?
9. Take the wrong exit: If cutting the line doesn’t work for you, take the one-way entrance as an exit. That will get you out of there. Just with a ticket, too! But tickets are only mere suggestions. Toss them in the bin and be on your way.
10. Text, Fend, and Bend: This rule is essential. Technology is on a spree, and it’s our time to take advantage of it. Whip your phone out and use it. Start driving and texting like there is no tomorrow, and let’s rear-end another vehicle while you’re at it.  

As a new driver, you’ll rock this school year. I believe in you! You won’t even need this list on hand because you were already a natural parking lot geek when you became a driver.